Monthly Archives: June 2010

Fleeting Moments of WTF

...To the BP guy who wants his life back after the oil spill. From: Nature

Sometimes I get so frustrated I feel like I’m choking because I’m not rich or well-connected and I have no idea how to make my dreams come true.

I work for a frickin pittance and that’s what consumes my existance. Well, to be more accurate, the need to work.

I know this girl. I know nothing about this girl. We worked together briefly, and we’re Facebook friends. She looks like she has it all, and I can’t help but to sometimes get so jealous of her. She has the job in her career path, she finished college in four years, she got engaged at her college graduation party.

During the ’08 election, she said things like “Well I’m sort of liberal now, but I’ll probably become more conservative as I make more money.”

And I thought, Wow. What’s that feel like? That expectation that things will go right in your life.

As a black woman, I’ve always been afraid of the conservative mindset because throughout the course of American history the conservative mindset has pretty much always been in direct opposition to my right to live and thrive.

I look at these people taking awesome trips over the summer, getting married, going out of the country to volunteer…and then I think about the $100 it’s going to cost me to get my passport, the $65 it’s going to cost me to get an initial consultation on my cavity since I don’t get any sort of benefits at my 39-hour-per-week-so-as-to-avoid-full-time-status job.

Then I think about my mom, who worked so hard to raise 2 kids on her own, often working two jobs while going to school. My mother, who finally doesn’t have to stick to a budget-calculated list when grocery shopping (one that often excluded pricier items like fresh fruit).

…And then I hear about that BP guy who wants his life back, since I guess it’s been consumed with him cleaning up his company’s mess now….

…and I just think What the Fuck.

And I know that as far as cards in life go, I still don’t have a bad hand (excuse the cliche!). I have autonomy, health, a full belly, a strong body, a loving support network of people who would never even think of telling me I can’t achieve my dreams…and then I can do it again.

These moments of What the Fuck are fleeting, but sometimes they get me down, man.

But my next paycheck is goin to my passport, even if it means I have to eat Ramen noodles or abuse my credit card.



I’m not into animals, but WTF. Every time I see or hear anything about this Gulf Oil Spill, I hear Sarah Palin chanting “Drill, Baby Drill” and it’s almost funny until I see a picture like this or think of all the people whose livings depended on the Gulf Coast or think of the natural beauty/ecoststems that are completely destroyed.

I’m trying to think of what I can personally do to help. Any suggestions?

(not nearly all) the things I don’t know

OK I’m not gonna lie. I haven’t updated in a few days because I really haven’t done much by way of achieving my dream of traveling, writing and taking pictures.

I’m a young, single woman who has a (full-time hours but no benefits) job…and I live by the beach. It’s kind of easy to get distracted when you look outside and see the sun shining and think “ohh man, all I really want to do today is take the Cinderella kickboard I stole from the beach the other day and ride the waves.”

I have a friend who said she would teach me to surf, too.


I bought an SLR camera. Ha, you saw that right. Not a DSLR. Nope, an SLR. An Olympus OM-1. I’m sorry…but $900 + Lenses, or $60, including 3 lenses and a flash? I’ll just have Wal-Mart put them on a picture CD or something. Then I’ll be able to add photos to this blog! I would have already, but I just really don’t want to put photos up here that I pulled off Google Images or whatever because you’re “supposed” to have pictures with your blog…I want to post my pictures up here when I take them so this blog will serve as a portfolio as well.

Also, one of these days I’m going to design a skin to put back here.

I mean, that sorta counts as working toward my dreams right–oh! Summer’s calling =)

correction? my friend Elyse told me that there are actually quite a few blue-eyed Persians.


Still doesn’t excuse Jake Gyllanhall as the lead.

Inspired by Oprah (who isn’t?)

“We spend most of our lives cutting down our ambitions because the world has told us to think small. Dreams express what your soul is telling you, so as crazy as your dream might seem–even to you–I don’t care: you have to let that out”–Eleni Gabre-Madhin

I’m not gonna lie. I’m at work right now, reading the November 2008 edition of “O” magazine. It’s the one with the “What I Know for Sure” article.

The quote above was said by an Ethiopian woman who established the Ethopia Commodity Exchange. (

It amazes me. It literally sends a chill that starts in my throat and spreads up to my brain and down my spine and makes me think this must be God working when I see someone do something this amazing, starting from where she started. She must have been told over and over that she would never be able to do this, but she didn’t stop.

I will be out of the country soon. The resources I need will find me. People come from so much less that I do and they accomplish so much more.

I have moved!

As all travelers do, I have made my way to a new place..check out my new blog here:

Baby blues in the desert

I want to go to the Middle East because I want to see if as many people there have blue eyes as Disney’s version of “The Prince of  Persia” would have me to believe. Even my mixed friend, who has a white mother and black father, texted me after and said “WOW why were all the main characters white?”

C’me on, Disney.

The real reason I want to go to the Middle East actually is related to the reason, I believe, that Disney felt it necessary that its main male characters all have blue eyes. I want to know what I’m supposed to be afraid of. Over here, the Middle East is villified..they’re “the enemy” (especially Islamic people).

A couple of years ago, I decided I couldn’t just accept that I was supposed to hate that whole region of the world and everybody in it, and I began to read about it. I started with “The Kite Runner” and the  “Princess” series–if you haven’t read it, it’s about a Saudi Arabian princess and her struggles in the culture. From there, I just began to look up a lot of things about the reasons we went to war from a historical standpoint, the Palestine-Israli conflict, Islam, Sha’ria (Islamic Law) and Islamic extremism. As I read more, I began to meet people from Pakistan, Afghanistan, Lebanon…I even worked with a woman from Kurdistan, and I would talk to them about events from their points of view.

They would describe the beauty of their countries, and bring in foods for lunch that smelled and looked so spicy and colorful (you will all soon learn that I’m obsessed with food) and I would listen and sigh, thinking “Too bad I’ll never be able to see/taste it for myself.”

I assumed I would never be able to go live and work there because not only am I an American, but I am an American woman, and a single, Christian American woman to boot. That probably sounds offensive or ignorant or whatever, but I can’t help the small feeling of alarm it gives me to consider all of those factors together.

But the other day, I was emailing my mom’s friend about TEFL programs, and he said that you can make bank teaching English in the Middle East. I had never really considered the Middle East as an option for something like that, but he said that some countries are open to those kinds of programs or contract work or whatever. I will have to research the mess out of it of course, but it’s really cool to think that this time next year I could be blogging from Kuwait or Dubai or the UAE.