My birthday is on September 8. I will be 24 years old. I keep thinking about my State of Adulthood anyway, but this morning as I was riding my bike to work, the chain popped off. As I was fixing it, I started thinking about all the really useful life lessons I’ve learned and applied to my life over the past 24 years.
It’s disturbingly short, and can be divided into three categories: Transportation, Relationships and Laundry.
1) Always get your oil changes. On time. Seriously, this is probably the cardinal rule of car ownership, and something I of course learned the hard way, after destroying the engine of my first car.
2) Make sure there’s gas in the car. You would think this is probably something no one would have to learn the hard way, much less learn the hard way twice, but believe me. After calling Triple A and being towed to a gas station in front of all of my friends, then “breaking down” a couple years later (i.e. last week) and having a mechanic come out to my car, tell me it’s my fuel line, then pause and ask…”Well, do you have any gas?” only for me to giggle and reply “Well, it is on E…” just take it from me: you canNOT make it those three extra miles/trips.
Put gas in your car.
If you are going to rely on a bike as a form of transportation (as opposed to exercise or recreational activity), you’d best learn how to fix a bike chain.
This may sound obvious to some people, but it is something that never once occurred to me as I happily made the decision to ride my bike to work every day, thereby giving myself the green light to eat as many tacos, pieces of bacon and Hardees 2-piece chicken dinners as my heart desired.
The first time (but definitely not the last) my bike chain popped off, some man came, took the tire off, put it back on, put the tire back on, and I went about my business.
Until oh, about, the next time I went to ride my bike. At which point the tire started skipping….and the chain popped off. Again. Turns out, taking the tire off a bike is the absolutely most WRONG way to fix a bike chain, like, ever.
This is the way you fix a bike chain without causing more problems:
1) You take the part of the chain nearest the front tire off the teeth.
2) You put the part of the chain nearest the back tire back on the teeth.
3) You lift up the bike and turn the pedals until the front part catches.
4) DON’T DO ANYTHING ELSE. YOUR BIKE IS FIXED.
When I started this post, I really thought I could fit all three categories of life lessons into one post. But I’m already at 500 words, and I don’t want to damage anyone’s eyes by exposing them to extended EMF waves due to a 1500-word blog post.
That would be very inconsiderate of me.
Therefore, I am breaking this concept up into 4-parts: Transportation, Relationships, Laundry, and my birthday. I’m sure by the time my birthday has come and gone, I will have a new life lesson to share.
I hope so, anyway.
Otherwise I didn’t do it right.