Of Course I Still Miss You, I Haven’t Even Gotten Over Not Getting That Dress

There are some things that are, I imagine, so much more difficult for me than for any other member of the population. One of those is understanding the difference between “affect” and “effect”–I used to know it, until it was taught to me. Now, I just use “influence” whenever I’m not sure.

The other is getting over stuff.

And by stuff, of course I mean people. And by people, of course I mean men (although I do think it was necessary to make that distinction because I’m not sure all men are people, or at least humane).

There is someone I miss very much, and whenever I’m not thinking about zombie books, True Blood, applying for a job, food, God or all the things I’m going to buy once I get my job, I think about him.

And whenever I think about him, I begin to beat myself up for not having “gotten over it” yet.

I say things to myself like “It’s OVER, get a clue!”

Or now, thanks to “Eat Pray Love,” I say things like “so miss him…and send him light and love whenever you think about him,” but under that I’m really thinking “Most normal people would be over this by now.”

I tend to measure my normalcy by romantic comedies, television shows and other pop culture references, and so I think the proper amount of time it takes to be over anyone is half the total time you were together.

By any count, it’s been more than that amount of time, and so my romantic comedy bar had begun to lose patience with my still-not-over-it-self.

But then this morning I was thinking about this dress I’d wanted to wear for New Year’s 2009-2010.

And let me tell you, this dress was bad. Strapless, v-shape, white, drop waist. Rose at the hips, bunched, fell to about mid-thigh. And it looked good on me.

But it had this teeny makeup stain on it, and because the lady wasn’t willing to discount it properly, I called myself teaching her a lesson by not buying it.

Regret of all regrets.

It was only a brief encounter, but I still miss that dress and wonder if my New Year’s would have been different had I worn it instead of a stupid purple Forever 21 one.

And yes, I’m serious.

Just like once, six years ago, I was (bargain!) shopping on Melrose. I saw these awesome baby blue soft leather pumps with white trim. They were like $40, but this was LA! Nobody pays full price!

So I tried to haggle with the shopkeep, only to be denied once again (my haggling skills are, apparently, pretty sub par). Once again, thinking to teach him a lesson, I left in a huff.

“Fine!” I said. “I don’t need these stupid shoes!”

Oh, but I did.

It took me at least three years not to yearn for them every time I saw something blue, white, cream or soft yellow.

Anyway, my point is maybe we should all be a little more forgiving of our natures. It takes me a long time to get over losing stuff I really like. I’m not sure what it says about my value system that “stuff I really like” pretty much amounts to clothes, shoes and men, but I’m serious about what I’m serious about.


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