Monthly Archives: February 2011

For When I’m 30

I can’t watch prime-time TV anymore because there will inevitably be some variety of the two types of shows I can’t STAND: 1) reality TV or 2) “early 30s, college-educated, childless couples” TV.

I mean, I get it. Those are the two types of people who WATCH TV (for the most part); either people who want to be famous but have no talent or work ethic or luck or connections, or “early-30s, college-educated, childless couples.”

But I don’t like seeing it. Can’t there be like one TV show for the “mid-20s(ish), recent graduate, still-getting-on-their-feet” crowd? Dangit! Ain’t I a woman?

^^Excuse me. That was terribly inappropriate.

Lately, I have found myself caught in the swing of emotions that comes with being overtired. I have a lot on my plate, and I don’t really mind that. I like to work, especially when I’m working at things I like and do well. I find that really fulfilling. And overall, I would have to say that as far as perfect goes….my situation ain’t far from it. Really. I’m a Recession Graduate with a full-time job with benefits. That’s, in the words of my good friend Denny, sorta in my field.

Him: “I mean, how many of your friends are still looking for jobs?”

Me: “Several.”

Him: “Several! Several! And my job’s sorta in my field. I mean, I speak Spanish to people on the phone.” (He was a Spanish major who works in a corporate office).

Me: “Oh, like how mine’s sorta in my field: I  review things, check for errors.” (My job is in accounting and I was a journalism/editing major).

Him: “Yeah!”

Truth be told, I don’t mind my job. I like answering emails, and I like getting people’s errors resolved quickly. And just overall, I like tackling and conquering an enormous challenge. And I like learning new things. And my job really does involve reviewing things and correcting errors. And I find the work environment pleasant enough. And I have a sweet a$$ office with a window–now that’s saying something. And overall, I have a lot of autonomy in my workday–they let me set my own agenda and don’t micromanage. So I would go ahead and say that I have a really good job.

But I’m still not in a position to watch these 30-year-old prodigies who own their homes and give presentations at their jobs all the time and have significant others whom they married for love as evidenced by the fact that they 1) don’t have kids and 2) all live in the same area and hang out regularly with their college roommates and have things like disposable income that they can spend on shoes and fancy restaurants where they go “I’ll get the check” “No, I’ll get the check” “Au Contraire, mon frier, I’ll get the check” even though like six of them ate.

If I got the check for six people at a fancy restaurant…well first of all there would have to be a Groupon involved at some point and second of all, I would probably NOT get the check and use my Groupon to cover my order only.

And I understand that this is a life stage, and I don’t mind it. But I have to remind myself sometimes when I’m sleepy or want to go to the spa but have to pay my car note instead (haha I officially paid my first car note this month) that the purpose of this particular life stage is to lay the foundation for a solid future. Mid-20s(ish) is sort of a liminal time in life; there’s not a whole lot to live for in it’s present, not like earlier life stages.

When you’re a kid, you live for the moments of being a kid (or you spend your childhood like me DYING for the day that you can wear bras and drive!). And then you hit high school. And that’s sort of a liminal time–it’s no longer about living in the present; it’s about planning for the Future (either college or trade school or whatever). But even still, you get caught up in being in Orchestra and Drama club and convincing your parents that you’re old enough to date (oh, I’m sorry, was I a nerd?), and you can’t really conceptualize the Future because there are a lot of really big things going on in your present.

And then you make it out and get to college or trade school or whatever and bam! You’re back in the present. You’re in college. Your present is it’s own point and purpose again for a few short years. You’re living on your own (sorta); you’re turning 21! You’re heading to class hungover, you’re planning Twisted Tuesdays, Wasted Wednesdays, Thirsty Thursdays…And then, as if it all flew by in some sort of blur, you realize you’ll be graduating pretty soon (if you can just get that one class to fulfill the requirement for this…) and  you start planning for the Future: to Get A Job.

…and then you get it.

And nobody tells you that for like the first few years you are going to be BROKE. It’s not the Broke College Student–it’s the Broke Post-Graduate.

And then you start to try to build yourself some sort of home because it’s no longer OK to have one stars and moons sheet thrown on your air mattress, one rainbow sheet covering your body and one faded flowers comforter for when it gets cold.

And then you start to want to take trips, because suddenly everyone around you asks you things like “hey do you want to go skiing this weekend” and you’re like…”uh…we do that now?”

And you slowly start to wonder: “What the hell am I going to do with the rest of forever??” Because for the first time in your life, shit ain’t laid out in 4-year increments.

And that is why I have decide to break my own life into increments that I can handle. This time in my life is officially dubbed For When I’m 30. Everything I do now–every time I’m tired but push through; every time I choose to be smart financially instead of frivolous; every time I buy a new piece of furniture–it’s all for when I’m 30.

When I’m 30, I’ll kick back and drink bubbly at the spa like the women on TV and get into misadventures that involve me trying to recapture my youth. And I’ll plan for when I’m 35.

Falling for Your “Type”

Get it? Fall for your type? tee hee. But seriously. Check out this video:

How many of y’all (yes I’m from the south) have heard this song? I’m not gonna lie–I dig it. I downloaded it on my phone, and I play it on repeat.

But this morning I was thinking about the lyrics. “I swear I always fall for your type.” I don’t exactly think it was written with sweet intent. Jamie Foxx and Drake are kind of saying “You fool me every time girl.”

And I was thinking…I don’t think it would be a good thing to have a song like this dedicated to me (because in my fantasy world, guys are just running around dedicating songs to me). I wouldn’t want to be anybody’s “type,” for one thing–look at me as an individual, if you please. Plus, who wants to be the “type” that some dude is wrong about every time? That’s not exactly a good thing.

And I was musing about it this morning. The thought of “types.” I want to think I’m not a “type,” and that I don’t have a “type.” But come one. This is how we categorize the world (oops–my M.A. program is showing. Let me cover that up). Everyone is a “type.”

Yesterday was Valentine’s day, and I’m a single woman. And I kind of waffle–sometimes I’m a bitter single woman, but I was determined not to be yesterday. I made a genuine effort to keep my spirits up by showing myself the love that I would feel bitter about not getting from another (see: spa day, cooking and cocktails!), and I also was able to experience some genuine happiness through my interactions with three different “types” of awesome guy: the Grad Student, the Art Nerd and the World Traveler.

Now I just named those labels, but I’m pretty sure you already have a mental picture of these three guys. And I’m not going to dispute that mental picture for now because I’m doing a thing here. Go with it.

I often fall into the trap of categorizing all males as Assholes. And yes, that is a “type.” I interacted with one of those yesterday. But that’s not the only “type.”

As I was driving to work this morning, sipping my tea and trying not to swerve, I thought about the different “types” of guys in my life: The Asshole, the Grad Student, the Entrepreneur, the Art Nerd, the Co-Dependent, etc., etc., etc. and I thought…I do know some really great guys. Really awesome, genuinely cool guys who I appreciate, who I learn from, who I laugh with, who I am fairly certain aren’t out to get my butt.

Yesterday I didn’t get any flowers or candy. No one told me they loved me (romantically) or arranged for me to be picked up outside of work in a stretch limo (that happened for one of my coworkers! I was stuntin’–trying to stand beside it in hopes someone I knew would walk by and see me and associate me with it without me having to lie about it). But I still had a great day. I got to hang out and catch up with the World Traveler, a guy who I hadn’t seen in a year (due to his world traveling), and I was really touched because the Art Nerd sent me a book that he thought I would like (and was totally right about: Stephen King On Writing).

And it occurred to me that whatever you focus on is what grows in life. I have spent so much time in my life FOCUSING on the Asshole “type” that I end up feeling like he’s the only “type” that exists. Of course he exists, but he is one of many. Maybe if I switched focus; concentrated on the things that led to experiences like opening a package to find a book that only a dude who was paying attention would know to send, or completely geeking out off of reevaluating Disney movies in terms of critical theory perspectives (homosexual undertones in the Jungle Book, anyone?), I would find the Asshole type’s presence shrinking in my mind and life.

Just a thought.