The other day, I was talking to one of my mentors (who is more like family, really) and he said that one of the reasons he reads my blog is because it’s sort of a “What will she do next?” type of thing.
for anyone who’s wondering,
I got married.
it’s not a joke.
although I have possibly written some blogs and/or said some things, made some facebook statuses, composed some tweets that may have led those with whom I regularly dialogue or share my thoughts to believe that I do not want to succumb to the regulations that the institution of marriage dictates…
….I have always wanted to be a wife.
I have not secretly been in a relationship this whole time, secretly been engaged, secretly been planning this blowout wedding, while simultaneously blogging about a fictitious journey of self-discovery and singlehood.
It just sorta clicked.
And we went with it.
A good friend of mine asked, after I told him about the marriage, “Don’t you think you’re taking this whole ‘Japan/tomorrow’s not promised’ thing a bit too seriously?”
To which I replied, “Possibly.”
it certainly could be argued that we rushed into it. And we would certainly be standing on a very thin basis for denying that.
But what is marriage? What does any of it mean? How much is anything that we do as members of society real anyway, versus what is a response that is ultimately based on something that someone somewhere down the line made up?
When is it appropriate to marry?
How long should we have waited?
Were we together long before we did it?
But did we search our hearts? Did we seek each other’s counsel? Did we talk about the things that were important to us? Did we talk about our goals for our union? Were we honest?
So when is it appropriate to marry then?
May I be so bold as to suggest that the answer is different for everyone? For every one couple?
Or is that just heresy? –or worse,
is that just the ideology of the young?
You know how you know you’re in love?
When you can look into the face of your beloved and everything in your heart says with one voice: it was worth it.
Or, *shrug*, maybe that’s just how I know I’m in love.
But why not wait? Did we have to get married now? Why not just live in sin for a while, make sure it “works out”?
That’s what I keep getting asked, and to be honest I don’t have the words to answer those questions. Only the peace in my heart.
I am not a blushing bride. I am not a jump-up-and-down-oh-my-gosh-we-did-it-everything-in-my-life-has-culminated-marriage!-MARRIAGE!-MARRIAGE!!!-AAH! bride.
I am a *pulls out checklist*:
Can we talk our hiccups out in a loving manner and come away feeling resolved?
Do I trust his intentions?
Do I respect him?
Am I comfortable with him?
Do I feel like I can continue to be me?
Am I happy?
Do I see us getting through life together?
Do I love him?
Do I like him?
Do we get along?
Are we honest with each other?
Is it natural?
And so when people remark that I don’t seem excited, or ask why we couldn’t have waited, I say it’s because of the peace. I have never been so at peace. I’m calm because even more than happiness, I have peace and serenity about my choice.
Why couldn’t we have waited until we were 34, like we finally agreed on in our pact?
Because we didn’t want to. Because we love each other, we know each other, we’ve known each other since we were teenagers. Because why would we wait? Because he has touched my heart in such a way that it has turned my internal scripts from planning for it to not work out, for steeling myself against the inevitable misery of another heartache…
To planning to be happy. To believing, to embracing the fact that we could make it. To looking at all the people who did make it, instead of looking at the ones who didn’t. To “unconditional.” To “forever.”
I know all the mush must come as a shock. Believe me, no one is more shocked than this girl.
But I am ambitious enough to know that when you see an opportunity, you pounce on it, you do everything you can to secure it as quickly as possible, and THEN you get the privilege of working at something you love. You can’t waste time–you would never waste time deciding whether or not you want to pursue an opportunity. You pursue an opportunity with the knowledge and understanding that once it is secured, that’s when the real work begins. But it’s not work because it’s what you love and you understand that you are one of the few who managed to secure an opportunity to spend your life doing what you love.
I have been told that I’m naive, crazy and have no understanding of love and relationships to view my marriage in that light.
But I just say, “We’ll see.”
- Bryoneyh: The Hopeless Romantic (Part Deux) (bryoneyh.com)
- Does love have an expiration date? (salon.com)
- Asking Your Dad’s Permission to Marry You Isn’t Romantic, It’s Sexist (thegloss.com)