Monthly Archives: March 2011

Bryoneyh the Hopeless Romantic (Part Quatre): What a Difference a Day Makes

This is the only picture we have from our wedding day...which I think sets a befitting tone for what's to come =)

The other day, I was talking to one of my mentors (who is more like family, really) and he said that one of the reasons he reads my blog is because it’s sort of a “What will she do next?” type of thing.

Well,

for anyone who’s wondering,

I got married.

No,

it’s not a joke.

And yes,

although I have possibly written some blogs and/or said some things, made some facebook statuses, composed some tweets that may have led those with whom I regularly dialogue or share my thoughts to believe that I do not want to succumb to the regulations that the institution of marriage dictates…

….I have always wanted to be a wife.

And no,

I have not secretly been in a relationship this whole time, secretly been engaged, secretly been planning this blowout wedding, while simultaneously blogging about a fictitious journey of self-discovery and singlehood.

It just sorta clicked.

And we went with it.

A good friend of mine asked, after I told him about the marriage, “Don’t you think you’re taking this whole ‘Japan/tomorrow’s not promised’ thing a bit too seriously?”

To which I replied, “Possibly.”

I mean,

it certainly could be argued that we rushed into it. And we would certainly be standing on a very thin basis for denying that.

But what is marriage? What does any of it mean? How much is anything that we do as members of society real anyway, versus what is a response that is ultimately based on something that someone somewhere down the line made up?

When is it appropriate to marry?

How long should we have waited?

Were we together long before we did it?

Obviously not.

But did we search our hearts? Did we seek each other’s counsel? Did we talk about the things that were important to us? Did we talk about our goals for our union? Were we honest?

Yes.

So when is it appropriate to marry then?

May I be so bold as to suggest that the answer is different for everyone? For every one couple?

Or is that just heresy? –or worse,

is that just the ideology of the young?

You know how you know you’re in love?

When you can look into the face of your beloved and everything in your heart says with one voice: it was worth it.

Or, *shrug*, maybe that’s just how I know I’m in love.

But why not wait? Did we have to get married now? Why not just live in sin for a while, make sure it “works out”?

That’s what I keep getting asked, and to be honest I don’t have the words to answer those questions. Only the peace in my heart.

I am not a blushing bride. I am not a jump-up-and-down-oh-my-gosh-we-did-it-everything-in-my-life-has-culminated-marriage!-MARRIAGE!-MARRIAGE!!!-AAH! bride.

I am a *pulls out checklist*:

Can we talk our hiccups out in a loving manner and come away feeling resolved?

check.

Do I trust his intentions?

check.

Do I respect him?

check

Am I comfortable with him?

check

Do I feel like I can continue to be me?

check

Am I happy?

check

Do I see us getting through life together?

check

Do I love him?

check

Do I like him?

check

Do we get along?

check

Are we honest with each other?

check

Is it natural?

check

–type bride.

And so when people remark that I don’t seem excited, or ask why we couldn’t have waited, I say it’s because of the peace. I have never been so at peace. I’m calm because even more than happiness, I have peace and serenity about my choice.

Why couldn’t we have waited until we were 34, like we finally agreed on in our pact?

Because we didn’t want to. Because we love each other, we know each other, we’ve known each other since we were teenagers. Because why would we wait? Because he has touched my heart in such a way that it has turned my internal scripts from planning for it to not work out, for steeling myself against the inevitable misery of another heartache…

To planning to be happy. To believing, to embracing the fact that we could make it. To looking at all the people who did make it, instead of looking at the ones who didn’t. To “unconditional.” To “forever.”

Yes,

I know all the mush must come as a shock. Believe me, no one is more shocked than this girl.

But I am ambitious enough to know that when you see an opportunity, you pounce on it, you do everything you can to secure it as quickly as possible, and THEN you get the privilege of working at something you love. You can’t waste time–you would never waste time deciding whether or not you want to pursue an opportunity. You pursue an opportunity with the knowledge and understanding that once it is secured, that’s when the real work begins. But it’s not work because it’s what you love and you understand that you are one of the few who managed to secure an opportunity to spend your life doing what you love.

I have been told that I’m naive, crazy and have no understanding of love and relationships to view my marriage in that light.

But I just say, “We’ll see.”

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Facebook Statuses and World Affairs and Sh*t

Something about Egypt, and I think I might update my status
Because it’s important to note that I support freedom.
Something about Libya, and I think I might update my status
Because it’s important to note that I support freedom.
Something about Women’s History Month and I don’t update my status
Because I don’t want to be one of those people,
One of the ones I roll my eyes at when I get a Cause invite in my notifications,
One of the ones whose updates I hide because I’m having a shitty day anyway
And I don’t need your politics.
Something about Women’s History Month and I don’t update my status
Because not everyone needs to know that I support freedom and equality,
As long as I do,
And what exactly does updating my status prove?

Monday: Bryoneyh Never been so excited to *just* work 40 hours in a week. Spring break in adulthood: woo hoo

Tuesday: (International Women’s Day) Bryoneyh well, lupe fiasco, let me explain this. i am neither a member of the generation who buys cds nor a member of the one who uses iTunes. i came of age with Napster, therefore it is not habit to me to purchase my music. On the rare occasion I do, it is solely to support the artist specifically. But if the artist does not support the music himself then I have no reason to support him by buying the music he doesn’t support

Wednesday: Bryoneyh: just realized how ironic it is to be reading this Y:The Last Man comic during Women’s History Month

Thursday: Bryoneyh <–not ratchet

Bryoneyh: The Hopeless Romantic (Part Deux)

I have been in love with a boy’s potential before;
I have caught a glimpse of the Man He Could Be
(of the Man Who I Dreamed)
And hopped on board his crazy train in hopes of destination: there.

And along the ride I have learned the differences
Between hope, faith and naivety
And having gone way beyond
The point of having sense.

And I have reacted all types of extreme,
With all of it ending in the shattering of a trust I once held for myself,
And the slow restoration of a tiny faith in love,
With a simultaneous acceptance that I don’t know
How to make the choices that lead to it.

And I have felt my bitterness fade as I looked around the world.

And I have opened myself back up to the thought of a boy liking a girl
And a man in love with a woman.

And I have made it my way
To just say stupid shit to be funny
To keep the boys away.

And I have been completely swept off of my feet
By the thought of one well-intentioned man with a phrase:

Why not?

…..this week, anyway.

Bryoneyh: The Hopeless Romantic

A few nights ago, I was talking to one of my homeboys and he made a compelling analogy about his sentiments on singledom.

He said that, to him, being in a relationship was akin to being on house arrest, and that he would chop off his ankle to get that bracelet off and escape from those parameters.

And after I finished laughing my head off, I picked it up, screwed it back on and reminded myself not to ever get a crush on that one.

On the other side of this, I know two people whose relationships make me cringe. They both tell me the same things–how their partners are callous toward them; how they have adopted a nonchalant attitude to cope. How their arguments seem to only get bigger and continue unresolved.

And I am reminded why I am taking this journey of singleness.

Now I’m not saying there are no people with happy, normal relationships…but I wasn’t one of them. I could never separate the warm and fuzzies from the insecurities and the conventional wisdom that “men only want one thing” enough to tell the genuine dudes from the assholes.

And now that I feel that I am reasonably capable of doing that I have to deal with an even deeper and darker issue: I don’t really want to be with anyone.

Ever?

Last night I was Skyping with one of my ex boyfriends from like 8 years ago. We’ve been Skyping for like 3 nights straight, just joking around and stuff for hours on end. The first night, he goes, “You know, you don’t seem like you want to be with someone ever.”

The second, he goes, “Let’s make a pact. If we’re both single at 50, we should get married.”

The third, he goes, “Let’s move that pact up.”

To which I agreed because I want to get married while I’m still capable of reproducing.

…but do I want to be with anyone at all, ever?

That question kind of resonates with me. See, I consider myself sort of a one-man wolf pack….

I agreed to the pact with my friend because I want a family one day and I know that he would be a good one to have a family with. I couldn’t see him leaving his kids or me for any reason, and he has the kind of inner strength that will get you through a lifetime.

(…not that I’m taking the pact seriously or anything)

Plus I like him. He’s as smart as me and makes me laugh.

…but I have this aunt. Her name is Aunt Judy. And instead of settling down and having kids, she stayed single her entire life.

And she is just about the most completely kick ass lady who ever walked the face of this planet. She literally has led the life I want to lead. She had a career teaching English in Japan for years; now that she’s retired, she spends her time road trippin or going on cruises. She varnishes wood, she gardens, she’s educated, she’s creative, she’s loving, she’s vibrant…and she is completely single.

And I just think she’s so bad ass.

I have speculated in my mind many reasons why she would be single and childless, but I’ve never asked. I guess it never mattered to me–the point is that this woman is the freaking epitome of awesomeness in my mind.

You want to know what my problem is?

I want both.

Not even just with this–with everything. Surf or turf?

Both.

Liquor or beer?

Both.

Red sweater or blue sweater?

Both.

Optimal health or couch potato?

Both.

I want both.

I want what I want and it doesn’t matter if they’re two conflicting things.

I was telling one of my friends yesterday that one of the things I find frustrating about working full time is trying to work in things like going to the bank or post office.

And he goes “why would you want to go to the bank or post office? You’re only saying that because you feel like you can’t–if you were in a position where you could go to the bank or post office whenever, you’d find something else to complain about.”

And I’m stubborn so I argued with him for a little bit but he’s really perceptive and a PhD student to boot so I just had to drop the rouse–I pretty much just want whichever thing it seems like I can’t have.

I don’t know.

When my friend and I were having our marriage conversation, I began asking him the things I think any person needs to know before agreeing to a marriage: What’s your credit score like; Here are the exact specifications to the ring I will want; What will make you divorce someone; Oh by the way I’m not marrying you if you have to finance those rings.

And he goes “Damn girl, you are cold and calculated. You want to know what I’ll ask before I get married?”

To which I replied, “No.”

“Does she make me happy.”

……

And I said, “Well how the hell do you ever expect to be happy with those kinds of vague standards.”

I made a comic!

Hey guys,

In order to more accurately convey my feelings about the way life treats you after graduation,

I have developed a comic strip!

Here’s the first one. Please ignore the horrible illustrations. I’m planning to improve over time.

I hope you enjoy!