So..I don’t really know where to take this blog.
I got an annulment.
…so…what do I write about now, the weather?
It’s gonna be a hot summer.
I like pink glittery nail polish.
I’m turning my swag back on.
Actually, that is what I would like to talk about today: turning my swag back on.
It is pretty much an unwritten rule of life that whenever you break up with somebody, you absolutely must turn your swag back on. The day after my x-hubby (domestic partner? if it has been deemed by the courts that our marriage was never valid, do I then call him an ex-hubby?) moved out, I went to the store and bought a grip [see: lot] of makeup.
I started working out in the mornings.
And I think I’ve finally mastered the whole “1200 calories per day” thing–I’m actually starting to feel quite full from 1200 calories per day.
I have purchased three pairs of spike heels.
I’ve finally figured out how to style my natural hair in a way that I find to be complimentary of my features, neat, yet wholly undisturbing of my whole “natural” (wild child) vibe.
Before I got “unmarried” (the term I coined for this situation–both “divorce” and “annulment” sound so icky…), I put very little effort into my looks. I don’t know–I just felt unattractive. After the unmarriage, however,
Long story short?
Turning my swag back on.
I have been engaging my mind in a few different pursuits in attempts to adjust to the unmarriage without being too wrapped up in it. For the first two weeks, I threw myself wholeheartedly into cooking. I cooked every night. Meal after meal went into the freezer because, ironically, much as I was cooking…there was no one there to eat it.
After the cooking, it was cello. I threw myself into cello. I practiced for an hour a night and listened only to cello music. I was cooking and celloing my way to a sound mind after the end of my marriage.
After cello, it was socializing. I was hanging out with friends and celloing and cooking my way to peace with the end of the marriage.
I guess now I’ve moved onto turning my swag on.
But what does turning my swag on even mean, really?
Well, to me, turning my swag on means letting that thing that makes me beautiful shine. There have been times where I’ve felt like I stuffed my uniqueness down because I was shy, and times where I de-sexified myself because I didn’t want all of that attention.
So for me, turning my swag on means adjusting my inner brightness from dim, 50 watts maybe, to muhf***in hallogen and shining. That’s what turning my swag back on means. It has nothing and everything to do with the clothes, makeup and hair. Obviously those things don’t make the [wo]man, but at the same time..when you look good, you feel good. And that’s a scientific fact.
My marriage ended, and I don’t know what the hell to do about that except go about my life trying to be the absolute most awesome version of myself possible.
That’s why I turned on my swag.