So I’ve been natural for like three years. If you peep the avi, you’ll see what that looks like. At least, if I do a twist-out anyway. And the photo above is the result of like 4 hours with a flat-iron last night. So for today, in this Virginia Summer Humidity, I am struggling to remain a straight-hair gyal. It’s a true pain-in-the-ass; however, (yes, that really did feel like it warranted a semicolon), I hadn’t seen myself with straight hair since November and I was itching to see how much it had grown, plus it needed a trim, etc. etc.
But I really said all that to say this: I was talking to this Asian guy on friday who I think is so cute, but he is not really aware of the fact that I am a datable woman. He just doesn’t see me like that. And I was telling him that I don’t really get a lot of guys from other races to look at me. They more like look through me (hint hint). And he told me that’s because I need to style myself in a way that appeals to other races.
His examples: Beyonce and Alicia Keys, two black women who are appealing to other races. He says the reason why is because they have managed to somehow transcend their blackness; that you look at them and you’re not even aware of the fact that they’re black. Which is what makes them attractive. Ipso facto to get guys from other races to see me as attractive, I have to negate my physical blackness.
It’s my blackness that makes me unattractive to other races.
And also I’ll probs have to straighten my hair.
And I mean I took it with a grain of salt; that’s my friend and he was being honest.
This is why I stay natural.
Truth be told I DON’T feel nearly as pretty or put-together with my ‘fro. It has shot my confidence way down these past 3 years–my entire life, I’ve been the girl with “pretty hair.” Now I’m the girl who would be pretty if I would do something with that hair. It don’t feel good.
But the way other people see my hair is fucked up too. I have a neighbor who damn near drooled on himself when he saw my hair straight. Before, with my curls, I was alright. But now we can’t be friends till I get those curls back–with straight hair I’m too gorgeous and tempting for his married ass.
It’s fucked up. We are like the only race of women whose hair that naturally grows out of their head is considered fundamentally ugly (that’s a sweeping generalization. Forgive me). I am a woman who, unless I radically alter the texture of my hair, is considered less attractive, unpolished, not put-together.
I feel all of these things when I look in the mirror at my fro.
But I also feel like it’s so fucking wrong that I’m made to feel like that that I just can’t give in and relax (straighten permanently) it. Society will just have to deal with me and my fro and hopefully little by little people’s eyes will be trained so that eventually they will be able to look at me and other natural women like me and see that we are beautiful, we are polished, and we actually spend a fuck ton of time and money on these damn afros. Do you have any idea how much natural hair products cost?! Ridick!