Straight-Hair Gyal

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So I’ve been natural for like three years. If you peep the avi, you’ll see what that looks like. At least, if I do a twist-out anyway. And the photo above is the result of like 4 hours with a flat-iron last night. So for today, in this Virginia Summer Humidity, I am struggling to remain a straight-hair gyal. It’s a true pain-in-the-ass; however, (yes, that really did feel like it warranted a semicolon), I hadn’t seen myself with straight hair since November and I was itching to see how much it had grown, plus it needed a trim, etc. etc. 

But I really said all that to say this: I was talking to this Asian guy on friday who I think is so cute, but he is not really aware of the fact that I am a datable woman. He just doesn’t see me like that. And I was telling him that I don’t really get a lot of guys from other races to look at me. They more like look through me (hint hint). And he told me that’s because I need to style myself in a way that appeals to other races.

His examples: Beyonce and Alicia Keys, two black women who are appealing to other races. He says the reason why is because they have managed to somehow transcend their blackness; that you look at them and you’re not even aware of the fact that they’re black. Which is what makes them attractive. Ipso facto to get guys from other races to see me as attractive, I have to negate my physical blackness.

Ya following?

It’s my blackness that makes me unattractive to other races.

And also I’ll probs have to straighten my hair.

And I mean I took it with a grain of salt; that’s my friend and he was being honest. 

But damn. 

This is why I stay natural.

Truth be told I DON’T feel nearly as pretty or put-together with my ‘fro. It has shot my confidence way down these past 3 years–my entire life, I’ve been the girl with “pretty hair.” Now I’m the girl who would be pretty if I would do something with that hair. It don’t feel good.

But the way other people see my hair is fucked up too. I have a neighbor who damn near drooled on himself when he saw my hair straight. Before, with my curls, I was alright. But now we can’t be friends till I get those curls back–with straight hair I’m too gorgeous and tempting for his married ass.

It’s fucked up. We are like the only race of women whose hair that naturally grows out of their head is considered fundamentally ugly (that’s a sweeping generalization. Forgive me). I am a woman who, unless I radically alter the texture of my hair, is considered less attractive, unpolished, not put-together.

I feel all of these things when I look in the mirror at my fro.

But I also feel like it’s so fucking wrong that I’m made to feel like that that I just can’t give in and relax (straighten permanently) it. Society will just have to deal with me and my fro and hopefully little by little people’s eyes will be trained so that eventually they will be able to look at me and other natural women like me and see that we are beautiful, we are polished, and we actually spend a fuck ton of time and money on these damn afros. Do you have any idea how much natural hair products cost?! Ridick!

I’m done. 

 

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5 responses to “Straight-Hair Gyal

  1. *smh* at the world we live in and the stereotypes we grow up with. Im so glad you are true to yourself no matter what society thinks. They should focus on world peace or paying china back.

  2. I feel your pain even though I don’t have the same hair texture I feel like if I walk out the house with my hair the way it is naturally that I don’t look as good as if I spend the extra hour and a half sweating to straighten it. It sucks.

  3. skinnypeopleunited

    Bryoney I thought you said you felt pretty with your hair natural?! The whole negating your blackness to be attractive to other races is very interesting. I don’t think it’ll work tho, as far as the hair, unless you are willing and WANT to get a relaxer, for you and no one else. If someone can’t find you attractive with how you normally wear your hair then fuck em.

  4. i think i probably misinterpreted what he said, or else just he doesn’t find black girls attractive. i don’t really want to get a relaxer….i feel free with natural hair, but no i don’t feel as pretty. but whaterr i am not my hair, i am beautiful and having a blast!

  5. WORD. Dating is fucking crazy. I’ve actually noticed that since I cut my hair, I’m looked over by the same women who used to ogle me (white hipsters). I’m glad that I am aware that’s going on AND in a relationship. If I wasn’t, I might be kind of insecure. I mention that because I’ve noticed a double standard when it comes to natural hair. When I had an afro, women of other races would always tell me how “cool” it looked. I was flattered at first, but I eventually realized that oftentimes, they were just exoticizing me. Those women’s reactions totally differ from the reactions of non-black men looking at your natural hair, but I think both situations are still pretty shitty. As usual, double standards hurt everyone who is involved. Black women definitely have it worse though.

    I don’t really know what you should do with your hair. If you straighten it, your dating pool will extend, but you will probably be stuck in the shallow end. If you wear it naturally, you will be in the deep end, but you’ll be swimming by yourself for awhile. It’s a fucked up situation. If I were you, I would do what I could to get out of the current pool and swim somewhere else. I don’t know what that translates to in literal terms, but I’m sure you can find your way. Good luck and keep your head up and your hair how you want it!

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