Today, I went to the store and I got a banana, yogurt, a spoon and water. I set them on my desk at work and meant for them to be my snacks in class tonight. Later, as I pulled into the parking garage, I realized that I had the yogurt and banana, but not the water or the spoon.
This pretty much sums up where I am in life right now.
Thirsty and without the proper utensils.
I don’t really miss being a kid, except that I miss things being simple and short-term. I’ve been engaging in this dialogue with this really pretentious guy who ironically called me pretentious yesterday after I beat him in linguistics (he didn’t know we were competing) about exercise and the one thing he keeps repeating to me is “you’re not young anymore.”
Over and over.
Your body’s changing. You’re not young anymore. We’re not spring chickens.
And every time he repeats this, it strikes this chord of frustration in me, like somewhere between my heart and my belly there’s this burning feeling that intensifies just a teensie bit every time he says “you’re not young anymore.”
When did I get not young anymore?
But…like my body is not a kid’s body anymore. It doesn’t run the way it used to when I was a kid. And this is freaking me out because it’s all downhill from here. I’m 25 and I don’t feel like a kid physically; shudder to think what it will be when I’m 40. Or when I have a child, dear God.
And my mind…..my mind is finally starting to grapple with the fact that shit is complex out there. And ongoing. When I was a kid we moved every year, so every year old stuff stopped and new stuff started. Now, I’ve been living in the same city four and a half years and there’s facebook and nothing and nobody ever goes away. I never disappear. Shit is just always somewhere still existing, still playing out. People go away…but then they come back. It’s not so neat. I miss the days when it was.