Loving someone who doesn’t love you back

Loving someone who doens’t love you back won’t kill you,

It will just make you want to die because it’s just AWFUL,

really,

Just awful.

But then slowly, after an amount of time that you think is waaaaayyy too long,

that person will begin to fade from your consciousness

and you will begin to recover the will to live

until finally you only think of them on occasion,

and in passing,

and only as it relates to you,

like “Gee, I wonder if so-and-so ever thinks of me.”

Until the holidays.

When you start to get sentimental

and someone brings something up

and then you dream about them again

and you wake up and they’re on your mind

and you ignore it for a few days but it doesn’t go away

until finally you facebook stalk them because even though you know you don’t want to see what’s on there

you just think that maybe seeing it will quiet your brain

which doesn’t work,

because it seems like they are with someone now

while you’re just facebook stalking them an inordinate amount of time after yall have ended

and then you remember that they didn’t love you back

so you decide you can’t sit at home any longer,

and you pull it together and go out,

but you’re still half thinking of them and half putting into practice all the buddhist teachings you picked up in the last year to get over them which tell you to be kind to yourself; to notice these thoughts; and to let them go on their own,

until you talk to one of the people who were truly there for you when you were curled into a fetal position in your bed for days wondering how you could face a life where that person didn’t love you

and you tell the person you’re talking to what you saw on the facebook and how you think they never think of you and how frustrated you are that all this time has passed and you’re still thinking of them

and then person you’re talking to just tells you that everyone gets sentimental around the holidays,

and anyway it sounds like that person is still dealing with the same issues of only wanting people who give them a hard time

and at least they sound unhappy,

and even though you know the person you’re talking to was joking about that last part,

it’s what you tell yourself every time those thoughts creep back in,

and it works.

and they fade from your consciousness again.

 

 

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7 responses to “Loving someone who doesn’t love you back

  1. Madam M & Kitty Gurl Kiki

    Reblogged this on Relationships with Magrette Millie & Kiki Lu and commented:
    This was a really good blog post. A little hard to understand, but very true and emotional. You can easily relate. I haven’t followed this person because I only seen this one blog that I like from them and I’m sure that they don’t do relationship advice like I do all the time, but if they did, I would have. What are your thoughts on this post?

  2. Pingback: Relationships with Magrette Millie & Kiki Lu

  3. I feel you on this. So much so, that you can’t possibly begin to understand how much this resonates with me right now. Putting yourself and your feelings out there to be hit in the face with rejection…followed by being ignored is tantamount to the world’s worst feeling. Thanks for writing this. I’m going to try to follow this advice now.

  4. Pingback: Weekly Post: Reblog: Loving Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Back | Relationships with Magrette Millie & Kiki Lu

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