People have been asking me a lot lately,
“How does it feel to be done?”
My response: “I dunno.”
Being done isn’t a feeling, I don’t think, but rather a gradual realization that comes from the absence of certain feelings.
The other night, I was at home watching Netflix, and I was feeling that grad school guilt where you’re doing something but there is always, always something else you should be doing.
Except for me there’s not. Unless you count packing. Which I don’t.
There was nothing I should have been reading.
There was nothing I should have been writing.
There was nothing to feel guilty about; I could watch my Netflix in peace.
I was done.
Today, I had to go to Richmond (about an hour and a half away) to get my degree authenticated for Korea. I told myself I was going to get up early and hurry back down. Because I am who I am, I got up at 9 and left at nearly 11. I felt bad, like I was running late….for something.
When I got there (a shorter drive than I expected), it took all of 20 minutes to get my degree authenticated and get back on the road. And still I was rushing back. I felt the stress in my chest, that feeling that I had to hurry and get back because I had to hurry and……
Get to work?
Finish my portfolio?
I was stressed and rushing out of habit,
but I’m done. No job no school. There is no reason for me to rush.
And there is no reason for me to feel guilty.
And there is no reason for me not to take a nap in the middle of the day (I don’t think I will though; I’m not experiencing my doneness to that level–yet).