o hai, contentment

As I write this, I’m sitting at home with a glass of non-alcoholic white wine. Gossip Girl Season 1 is paused in front of me through some kind of magical device that gets Netflix to the TV (really, Netflix should give me an endorsement deal), and I’m trying to decide what to do tonight.

It’s Friday night, and I can go out and meet up with one of my good friends (J), or I can stay in and watch Gossip Girl.

Thing is,

I would be content either way. I’m slightly leaning toward staying home because it’s cold outside, but who knows what adventures might abound if I go out and meet up with my friend?

I was shaving my legs today because I finally finished moving and school and work and I’m at my mom’s house and I’m not currently working and if I’m not currently working then there is no excuse not to be head-to-toe fabulous, even if it does mean violating my sworn oath not to shave my legs during pants season. So I was shaving my legs today and I was thinking about what I wanted to do tonight, and I realized that I was equally content with going in or staying out.

Weird.

So I asked myself about all of this contentment.

And then I thought…

maybe I’m just content.

Now there’s a thought.

I don’t know when I got so content. I’m usually anxious, or frustrated, or giddy. There’s usually either an option that takes me up or one that brings me down. And I just finished a pretty big move, and big moves are always marked with a period of abject misery for me.

This is what others refer to as an “adjustment period.”

But….it just.now.occurred to me that maybe this is how I know I made the right choice.

Because I’m content. As in, I’m completely at peace with my decision.

I’m not giddy in that unstable way, but I am completely open to looking at this area (where my mom lives and I went to high school) in a new light. When we first moved here from Georgia, I was a junior in high school. Because of this, I made this area my sworn enemy and clung to an irrational hatred of the area for the next 10 years.

But now that I’m back, I look at it and I see nothing but infinite possibility. I see chances to reconnect with friends, chances to make new friends, chances to really get on the ground and get to know this place I spent the last 10 years rejecting. 

And then I think of living with my mom, and where I was once nervous that we wouldn’t get along, I now see that we missed each other, and we have a chance to spend some really good quality time together before I leave the country for x amount of years. 

I think it has been this year. 2012 was one of the good ones for me. Even though it had its struggles, I really think that I’m going to look back on this year as the year that completely changed my life. It got me out of the country. That’s all that matters. It made me someone who stopped being afraid to approach people and love them and talk to them and smile at them. It showed me I could travel alone; it taught me that my dreams were worth taking the huge risks. It taught me to believe again and love again and it taught me that I could repair relationships, or I could let them go as I saw fit. Coming into 2012, I was bruised. Coming out of 2012, I am brimming with possibilities. With the belief that you’re never fully dressed without a smile, that a stranger is just a friend you haven’t made yet, and with a belief in myself that is backed by the courage to actually bet on my dreams.

Long story short, life is good.

I am content 🙂

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