Slipping

I swear I’m not as miserable as these blogs would have me sound, but for some reason I can’t write when I’m happy.

The plan.

THE plan. 

Was to come to South Korea. Stay for like two years. SAVE like $12-20,000 (totally doable in SoKo over two years). Go to Dubai. Pay my student loans. Be a free woman.

But something is changing in me. I don’t know if it’s the weather or what. 

But I can’t do this another year. I don’t want to be a teacher. 

There,

I said it.

Now what?

Something internally is shifting. I want to be to myself. I want to take hour long walks and sit in my apartment and read and listen to the clock ticking.

I want to rest.

I am so tired.

And this tiredness is coming out in cracks. 

For eight solid months I’ve been an extrovert and I’ve carved out this extroverted space in Korea and now I want to flee. I want to flee from this lifestyle I’ve made for myself out here. It’s too much. It takes too much energy and I just don’t have it anymore.

I’m tired.

I’m booked solid for a month; I can’t have a nice quiet weekend to myself for a month.

It’s too much. It’s too much spending money and going here and going there and other people and negotiating and late nights and activities.

I’m so tired.

I’m just so tired.

P.S. don’t tell anyone but I think I might come home at the end of this contract. Temporarily. I need to rest. And figure out a non-teaching related next move.

I can’t do that here.

I can’t focus.

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