If you want to know the absolute dirty truth, I’m so scared of coming back to the states. The states itself. After two years away, I’m really like this person who doesn’t really know much about home except that people get shot and robbed all of the time.
Abroad, you can generally trust people. In my experience, (with some exceptions of course) generally you can meet people and spend time with them and it’s all good. You can step into a new country and onto the metro with your luggage and trust that you’ll be OK in most places (probably mainly because I’ve been traveling in east and southeastAsia, which is just generally one of the safest regions in the world, Manila aside).
I land in New York in eight days and I’ll take the subway to Brooklyn and it’s going to be after dark. I am terrified. There are guns in America, and people use them. Plus did anyone see that episode of girls where Hannah fell asleep on the train and woke up and her bag was stolen off her sleeping body? Ugh. I don’t wanna die!!! Haha.
I left Korea march 2nd, but I haven’t made it home yet. Right now I’m hanging out in Dubai, sleeping in and contemplating going to the gym (as one does). I’ve got a lot of free time on my hands and I’ve been thinking a lot, and there’s no running from the fact that I am simply scared to come home. I’m scared of it all…scared of the good times ending, scared of being robbed or shot, scared of coming home and being out of synch, scared of coming home and eating crappy American food and gaining weight/developing digestive issues. I miss kimchi and Galbi tang. This heavy Arabic food makes my tummy hurt.
I know it’s silly, and that coming home also has so many good aspects, mainly seeing all of the people I’ve loved and missed for two years. Meeting babies, actually attending weddings. Going to birthday parties, watching wedding videos, and just hugging everyone I haven’t seen in two years that much tighter. I know it, and I absolutely cannot wait for those moments with the people I love.
But it’s a mixed bag, is all I’m saying. Fear of the unknown, and I guess after two years away even your home country can become a bit unknown.