Applying for the position

I just had an epiphany.

I was standing in the teachers’ office making copies. I was thinking of my work situation, and how important it is to be honest.

Today I had a meeting with the head supervisor for my province because my coteacher and I just can’t work it out y’all. And I was talking to him about it and about my job in general, and I was being very honest. I was doing my best to admit my shortcomings while being gracious about hers.

I try to do that in general anyway–it’s a character thing.

But anyway, we then talked about this placement (I am at a very prestigious school) and how it didn’t quite match my inexperience.

Fast forward to later today, as I’m standing there making copies, thinking so much about honesty.

Was I honest in my cover letter to my company? Did I tell them straight-up that although I have this fancy degree, I had no full-time teaching experience?

Probably not, definitely not in so many words.

And then I thought that at age 27, with my fancy degree and my teensie bit of experience, it’s so important to be honest because I’m vetting them too. At this point, I have an idea of the type of work I’d like to do and the environment in which I’d like to do it.

When I was coming up, and especially now that “jobs are scarce,” I think we get told so much to do and say anything so we can get any job, because any job is better than no job. It’s really entitled of me to challenge that, but in my field (TESOL) it’s different. You can’t operate with that mindset because there are plenty of TESOL jobs overseas but many, many of them are shit. You have to interview them in the same way they interview you because once you’re here with a visa your school is sponsoring and a contract, you’re here. You can walk away from the contract, of course……but then you spent so much money and it reflects poorly on you to break your contract and where are you gonna get a job in the U.S. blah blah blah etc. 

….and then of course because I’m me I immediately turned that to relationships. There are so many potential boyfriends out there, but many, many of them are shit.

And that’s why it’s so important to be honest during the dating process–because you’re vetting them too. It’s not just about fear of rejection, it’s about finding the right fit.

I’m sure if my coteacher and I had met face to face before this contract were signed, I would have sensed right away that our energies didn’t align.

 

Something About Asking Yourself Whether You Feel Lucky, Punk.

For all my successes in this world, a lot of it simply has to do with the fact that I am very lucky and have a knack for being in the right place in the right time (or blessed and highly favored, depending on your worldview). Where other people take time and plan things and come up with backup plans, I pretty much just pick the path I want to go down and assume that everything in the universe will align itself with whatever my current goals are.

When I applied to college, I applied assuming I would get in. I therefore saw no need to waste money on application fees or waste time on application essays to create for myself a “safety net” that I would never need because I wasn’t going to fall.

When I moved out of my mother’s house, I didn’t have a full-time job. I actually got my dad’s permission to forge his signature on a promissory note which I then took to the bank I worked at and had them notorize saying that he would provide me with the supplemental income I needed to pay my rent on my first apartment application (haha jk feds).

I have a habit of leaping before I look, seeing no other way to properly execute a leap of faith, and to this point it has worked for me. I have always gotten the job/housing/apartment. It has always worked out for me. I have always ended up where I started going, and there has never been a need for me to make a backup plan.

But now that I’ve graduated college, everything is different in my mind. Fear is working its way into the core of my “everything will work out the way I planned it” ethos, and it is driving me to make these plans, these backup plans because for the first time in my life, my mind is aware that there could be serious consequences if things don’t work out the way I assume they will.

It’s not like me to worry about not finding an apartment on time. It’s not like me to worry that I won’t into my graduate programme. Heck, it’s not like me to apply to more than one place I want to do anything at a time. This month I applied to three apartments because I was terrified that I would find a place, but not have the time to get my application submitted.

That’s not like me.

Saturday was GRE day. I went out Friday night with my friends because, well, the best way to go into a test is relaxed right? About midnight, I start feeling like I want to hyperventalate–my GRE was the next day and I’m out with my friends in no state to drive myself home. While figuring out how I’m going to get home, I take out my phone and start studying GRE vocabulary online. In the middle of this party. Everyone’s asking me what’s going on, etc.

I’m like “you guys, my GRE is tomorrow. I gotta do something” (except I was probably slurring my words just a tad).

That’s not like me before a test. It’s not like I’m arrogant or anything, but I feel very secure in my world and my ability to be in situations that always turn out OK. Pre-graduation bryoneyH would have taken this test assuming that everything in the universe was working together to get her in her graduate programme. Post-graduate bryoneyH has somehow adopted the word “failure” into her mental lexicon, and so begins to regret choices like going out partying the night before the test that could make or break whether she starts grad school in the spring.

The next morning I was nervous. That’s not like me. I kept telling my mom that I was scared because this time it counted, you know? It’s like I was just playing at a play life with play consequences all the way up until I crossed that stage. Now, suddenly everything is real, and in real life you don’t just get to make up the outcome of your situation like it’s a Barbie dreamworld.

I did do pretty well on my GRE though. I’m reasonably confident that I’ll get into my Master’s programme. And if not, though it pains me to say this, I do have a backup plan.

Related Articles

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Full Circle

…so today the knife was twisted in my heart.

OK.

Maybe that’s being a tad dramatic.

Let me tell you a little something about me. I am of the mind that when similar things occur in a short time span, you need to pay attention because life (or God) is sending you a message.

I think mine this week is that things from my previous stage in life and disastrous relationships are wrapping themselves up. That stage is neatly tying its own loose ends and freeing me to enter my next stage.

I see things in circles, you see.

And so, to me, before any situation you’re passing through is truly over, it must come full circle. And this could be anything, from jobs to friends to romantic relationships. I kind of see it like, if you’re dealing with any sort of situation that engenders growth, once you start growing and moving through it, be on the lookout–you’re going to be confronted with it one last time.

And how you handle it will show you how much you’ve actually grown from it.

Think of the shape of a circle. You can either go around it and end up in the same place, or you can go through it and pass through its edge once on the way in and once on the way out.

This is why, when you’re moving past something, it will come back to you. It’s basically your exit exam (if you went to my school you should be laughing right now).

Now back to the twisting knife in my heart.

I took the practice GREs this Saturday. And in it, there was someone I’ll just go ahead and dubb ABD–Another Bad Decision. Long story short, I knew him from class and he seemed cool…definitely turned out to not be cool.

But he was in the practice GREs.

I actually saw him at registration, when I was sitting on couch across from the registration table trying to memorize 9th and 10th grade math in the 5 minutes before the test was scheduled to begin.

I saw him walking up and I just sort of shook my head because of course he would be there effin with my concentration.

And he saw me and I just kind of nodded at him (I was explaining the beauty of the acknowledgement nod to my friend the other day; it says yes, I’ve seen you. But no, we’re not friends). And so I saw him and nodded at him and he asked me for directions to the actual test room and I fought the urge to tell him to eff off and find his own damn way, you sonofab**** (but I digress). And we got to the test room and we sat down (not together) and I began to pray that this mofo’s presence didn’t disrupt my concentration because the GREs will not care if some stupid dude’s presence got my head all messed up before the test.

And I got the most beautiful calm, and the answer that I’m sharing with you now: circles. He’s there because I’m over it, not because it’s ongoing. He’s there because I’m moving out of that situation.

Which brings me to this morning. At the beginning of the year, I fell completely head over heels for someone who…yeah. About that.

…and as I’ve mentioned before, I’m not so good with the “It’s over, but sure! We can be friends!” thing.

I’m more of the “You tricked me and lied to me you muthereffer don’t go to sleep I wanna break something of yours now since you broke my heart!” type.

…but in a perfect world and with a better version of myself, I would really have liked to preserve a friendship with this dude because…well…for all the reasons that I fell completely head over heels for him.

So I Facebooked him a while ago (via message because I definitely defriended him in a sort of “yeah! Take that!” moment) basically saying that I was sorry that it ended badly and I would be open to being cool with him if he were open to being cool with me.

…to which he definitely didn’t reply.

…which definitely didn’t surprise me.

But in the part of my mind that’s foolish and wants to wrap herself in convenient versions of things, I thought maybe he just hasn’t been on facebook…this month.

Until this morning. When I saw that he had commented on one of our mutual friends’ statuses.

…so much for that one.

It kind of made me sad for a second, but it’s all circles, you know? I saw it because I guess I’m ready to move past it.

Finally.

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Holy Crap I Think The GREs are Actually Going to Be Really Difficult

 

Not hard.

Difficult.

It’s a crucial difference that you will most likely have to demonstrate your understanding of in the analogy portion of the GRE.

Yeah right. If only life were so simple.

Let me tell you guys the story of Bryoneyh and Grad School.

Once upon a time, circa March 2010, Bryoneyh was trying to wrap up all of her undergrad loose ends. Bryoneyh was an English major at that time, and so she knew she would at some point have to go to grad school.

But Bryoneyh figured she would take her undergraduate debt and travel across the world, blogging and climbing mountains and milking cows and flirting in foreign languages for a while first.

Over the summer, however, when Bryoneyh couldn’t work full time because she was finishing up her last undergraduate class, and wasn’t eligible for any more financial aid, Bryoneyh learned a very valuable lesson called “Having Money is Vital to Everything from Eating to Doing Laundry and You Ain’t Gettin Nowhere Cross the World Without It.”

So Bryoneyh had to reevaluate her plans–i.e. start applying for jobs. After a couple months of gut-wrenching uncertainty and hawk-eyed scrutiny of her spending habits, Bryoneyh was blessed enough to land a job at her undergraduate university, a glorious place that, as part of the benefits package of being a full-time employee, will pay your tuition after a year of working full time.

In doing the math, Bryoneyh realized two things: 1) As she was planning to take Master’s classes only part time, it would actually take her between 3 and 4 years to finish her degree and 2) she would actually be making enough money to pay for one or two classes a semester before her benefits kicked in.

Bryoneyh therefore decided that she wanted to start grad school immediately, and went about it in the same manner she goes about executing all of her major life decisions from getting her glorious Samsung Epic phone to finding a new apartment: she got online.

And realized that she needed to have all of her application materials, including GRE scores, in to her school by November 1.

This was oh, about September 20, and Bryoneyh hadn’t given a second thought to the GREs since mid summer, when she and a friend briefly met for “GRE Study Sessions,” AKA Lets Eat Taco Bell and Gossip For an Hour.

Bryoneyh wasn’t worried at all, however, because if there’s one thing Bryoneyh was secure in the knowledge of, it’s that Bryoneyh knows everything, especially everything English-related.

Until today.

When Bryoneyh got a GRE-prep email from Kaplan that looked like this:

“…we thought you might like a little sample of what you’ll see at the event. Here’s an actual Analogies question from the Verbal section of the GRE Practice Test you’ll be taking:

  LAVISH : SPARTAN

(A) perforated : punctured
(B) perfidious : artless
(C) decorous : tinted
(D) unadorned : bare
(E) extravagant : lively”

At which point Bryoneyh’s heart started pounding because she had blithely signed up for the October 23 GRE and hadn’t opened not-a one GRE preparation material, confident in her knowledge that she knows everything, knowledge that was now been shaken.

The end.

…or did I?

But what the crap is that, seriously. I don’t see in what way any of those words are analogous to the initial pairing. Do y’all? Because what I got was luxurious is to brave as a) ripped is to ripped b) deceitful is to tacky c) proper is to darker d) bare is to bare or e) extravagant is to lively.

OK. Well, I guess I would go with e based on the breakdown above, but seriously I had to dictionary.com “perfidious” and I read the root of “decorous” as “decorated” not “decorum” so now I’m freaking out and I kinda think the GRE might actually be difficult and I’m kinda open to the thought that maybe, maybe I don’t know everything and probably should be studying over the next two weeks.

So, I-I-I-I-I-I’ll be–on it all night man I’ll be on it all day, straight up, pimp if you want me you can find me holdin A–study guide. Study guide.

Crap.

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How Job Hunting is Exactly Like Dating (and Why This Terrifies Me)

Submitted, for your consideration:

The wine is what tells us this is a date, not an interview. Unless, of course, it’s a dinner interview and the interviewee has just made a horrible mistake. Or it’s an interview for a wine company.

You’ve decided you want to enter into a new relationship. Your old one wasn’t working out, or perhaps you’ve decided you have gone too long without one. Maybe you’ve worked out the things that made you go on a relationship hiatus–maybe you had some things to learn before you could show your potential partner that you were ready and could contribute to creating the best possible relationship for the both of you.

So you do the things you know to do to “put yourself out there.” You ask friends whose relationships you admire do they know of anyone looking for a relationship with someone like you, and could they possibly put a good word in for you.

You attend mixers and meetings where you can nosh with others who are looking for relationships.

You go online and fill out one (or several) of those extensive surveys that will detail your interests and try to assess your character. You put up your most attractive picture, and try to be your most clever self.

And you wait.

Maybe I’m talking about men.

Maybe I’m talking about graduating college and looking for a job.

I am terrible at dating, and so I’ve decided to take a hiatus while all that sorts itself out. Little did I know my job hunt would land me smack in the middle of a high-stakes dating game, one that I cannot simply opt out of because, lets face it, I’m 24–it’s about time I entered into a serious, long-term, mutually beneficial professional relationship.

I first noticed the parallels between the job game and the dating game as I began going on interviews. Buying a new outfit, fretting over how to fix my natural hair, “what am I going to say?” “What are they going to ask?” “What if they don’t like me?” “How long should I wait to call?” “Should I let them make the first move?” “Why haven’t they called–I thought we had a great time together!”

Dating.

And I have composed several posts about my ineptitude at dating. First of all, I have terrible taste. My desire for a relationship sometimes drives me to feel like I don’t have the option to choose the best one for me–that I should just lock down the first willing dude I encounter.

How much more relevant is that line of thought in the job game? I’ve recently started encountering articles that encourage job seekers to decide whether or not a job will line up with their ultimate goals and if not, save everyone a headache by passing over it.

In the immortal words of my mother, “In this economy?!”

The need for the relationship superseding the idea of options leads to a disastrous relationship for all.

Second of all, I get terribly nervous in situations where it is of the utmost importance that I put my best foot forward.

Confidence is attractive, and this is true whether you’re across the dinner table from someone who you think is awesome and gorgeous or at the head of a conference table. Either scenario involves people asking you questions about your values, past projects, successes and failures, and in either scenario (in my mind) giving the right answers will determine whether these people will either invite you to or bar you from the relationship of your dreams.

The thing is, I am pretty confident with my work (we’ll not touch confidence in dating. I think the need for a break says it all). I went to school, got in good with the heads of my departments, have glowing recommendations from all my previous professors and employers and (if I do say so myself) have a great deal of genuine talent mixed with the work ethic of someone who needs be involved in something meaningful and see positive results achieved to feel normal.

(^^again, with the normalcy thing).

But if you put me in a situation and tell me “OK. This is it. THIS IS ALL OF YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS AND EVERYTHING YOU’VE BEEN WORKING FOR YOUR ENTIRE LIFE AND IT’S ALL WITHIN YOUR GRASP, PROVIDED YOU:

1) Dress appropriately
2) Make strangers like you
3) Are the best of everybody
4) Don’t make any mistakes
5) Get there 15 minutes early
6) Project confidence
7) Don’t smell like anything at all
8) Don’t accept a drink, or maybe do.
9) Don’t have clammy hands
10) Don’t have a limp handshake
11) Don’t do anything on the Internet or in your personal life that might offend anyone.

…and I start to get a little nervous. I start to shake a little, and I’m kind of a nervous sweater so then I know my hands are clammy and then I know that’s bad which makes me more nervous so I sweat more…

…this pretty much parallels the way I clam up around any man who I might actually find interesting (not that it matters because, as I said before, I have terrible taste in men).

Anyway, this post is now 800 words long. Sorry guys.

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Natural Hair and the Workforce

 

See that picture above? That’s me. Notice my sweet a$$ afro? Most days, I love this thing.  I’m into hair anyway, but my afro is like a symbol of liberation for me. And I’m not talkin about in a militant, raised fist way. I mean literal liberation–from the salon chair, from the constraints of weather, from the concerns about swimming. I only get my hair done when I need a trim…what, once every three or five months? Versus that swinging pendulum of a 6-week timespan that beckons ever-nearer from the second a new, kinky strand dared spring forth from my head. Yall, I have never been more free.

Like I said,

Most times I love it.

But wearing my hair natural forces me to confront a lot of different perceptions on a fairly regular basis. There are the “why would you ever do that’s,” the “Oh it looks good on you but I could nevers,” the “go ‘head soul sistahs,” and, of course, the “…but you’ll never find a job.”

That’s the one I’m dealing with now.

I have an interview tomorrow! I’m so excited! *pause for party break*
I’m so excited about this job opportunity,

…man. you guys. I had this post all finished, and it was #gold. I promise. But my computer completely crapped out on me and I guess WordPress doesn’t autosave drafts.

And I’m not even feeling it anymore. I’m sorry. So I will just summarize, and draw you a picture of a sorry pony. I hope that makes up.

Basically, I was saying I don’t know if my future employer will respond positively to my fro. I don’t want to straighten it, but Ask a White Guy said that there are times when us naturals are passed over for opportunities.

Anyway, here’s my sorry pony.

College vs the Interwebz: Smackdown 2.0

Permit me a mixed metaphor, if you will. A thought that has been kind of lapping at the edges of my consciousness is beginning to…crash into my mind with the force of a tidal wave. (I was going to say is beginning to take shape, but I’m sorry: under no circumstances is a mixed metaphor permissible. If you’re mixing your metaphors, maybe you should consider whether or not what you’re trying to say makes sense. Or just hire me and I’ll make it make sense 😛 )

But anyway, mixed metaphor diatribes and asides aside, I’ve been really starting to understand that, like it or not, I’m an entrepreneur.
I’ll tell you why this is such a big deal to me: I’m lazy. Like, not actually lazy, but lazy in that “I’m an artist just let me work on my art” way. All I want to do is write. I’ll reiterate that, put it in writing even. All I want to do is write. That’s it. All day every day. Just write. And sometimes, when I’m not writing, I want to read everything, and when I feel like it, critique the writing of others.

All I want to do is write, but I am a brand. And for the field I fervently want to pursue, this is especially relevant because I have to convince people that they want to read what I’m writing.
And let me pause here to clear up a misnomer that has been bothering me for a while, and to allow for anyone who is tired of reading this long post or wondering what this has to do with college, a PICTURE BREAK!!!!

OK. Now that we’re back and well-rested, let’s address this concept that “people don’t read.” To me, this is an incomplete sentence. It’s missing a direct object. Let’s revise. People don’t read books. People read. Even self-proclaimed non-readers stay on the Interwebz for hours perusing design blogs or car forums or video game cheat discussion boards or whatever. I challenge you to find a time when more people read than right here right now. I lose hours of my day on twitter (@bryoneyh)n persuing article after article that people I’m following post.

People read.

And we live in such a time that anyone can become an expert on any topic that captivates their interest. I wonder how long the institution of higher education will be able to survive with its ever-increasing financial burden and failure to provide the actual usable job skills and experience employers are demanding against a resource that is free, unlimited and allows me to create my own job experience. This blog, for example, is free, but it’s teaching and providing me experience with photoediting, SEO, HTML, CSS, Web 2.0, ROI, Marketing, Networking, Social Media, etc.
Don’t get me wrong: I loved college. I loved everything about it, especially my classes. I am a nerd. I take great pride in the fact that I can produce a technically-sound article that is readable and makes sense in about 30 minutes. I love the fact that people, after talking to me for a few minutes, usually end up talking about how they need to read more. But I also know that there are so many people who go to college not for the love of learning but for that piece of paper that says they’re hirable. And how will the institution stand up against a resource like the Interwebz, where all those people can learn about and create real-world experience for themselves, for free (or at least not $30,000)?

…which brings me back to entrepreneurship. Like what I did there? Took ya in a full circle.

Oh, and guess what? I spelled entrepreneurship right first try without spell check. Yea. I be spellin stuff sometimes.

I’M OUT!