Shame

As a part of my yoga teacher training, we learned about the seven chakras and their blocks. Chakras are basically points in your body where energy collects. They symbolize different levels/aspects of human development, and they transform energy and sent it upwards so that you can achieve higher consciousness.

Starting at the base of your spine you have the root chakra. This energy point is related to your physical survival. When it is functioning well, you feel safe, stable and secure.

And so it goes, traveling up your spine, you hit six other chakras along the way: the sacral, which is related to emotional and sexual development; the solar plexus, which is related to socialization and self confidence; the heart chakra, which is related to love, compassion and forgiveness; the throat chakra, which is related to communication and interaction with a higher vision; the third eye, which is related to intuition, wisdom and transcendental understanding; and finally the crown chakra, which represents higher consciousness and a clear perception of reality without duality or attachment.

These chakras require care for yourself body mind and spirit in order for them to function optimally. Our experiences in life and the characteristics we’ve adapted to cope can lead to issues in our chakras: they can be overactive, they can be underactive, or they can be blocked.

Lately I’ve been thinking and talking about that third chakra: the solar plexus. This chakra is located in your spine behind your belly button, and it is the seat of your personal power. A person with a balanced sacral chakra will have healthy confidence and self-esteem, and they will be warm and generous.

A person with a blocked sacral chakra will feel overwhelmed, depressed, unable to regulate their emotions, and they will have addictive tendencies. They feel powerless.

Do you know what blocks the sacral chakra?

Shame.

And then I think of all of the perfectly healthy things I have been ashamed of in my lifetime: being afraid, being sexual, being lonely. Needing someone to love me. Wanting someone to love me. Needing approval. Needing acceptance. Not knowing how to “control” my emotions.

I was ashamed of my anger in situations when anger was an understandable response. I’ve been ashamed of my sexuality at ages and times when it was normal and healthy to have a sex drive, from a biological standpoint.

I’ve been ashamed of being “boy crazy” for my entire life, ignoring the fact that there weren’t many stable things in my younger life, least of all a father figure, so of course I would try to find an “easy” replacement for what I was lacking in boys.

Shame.

Shame.

Shame.

Shame for not being Christian enough, shame for not being “pure,” shame for not having a relationship, shame for not being happy, shame for being ashamed.

Now, at this big age of 34, I look back at myself and my heart just breaks for that young human who was so ashamed of herself for being and wanting all the things that we evolved to be and want: I want sex because as a species we are designed to reproduce. I want company because as a species we evolved together–we could not survive alone.

And it’s not just me. Why, ten years ago, were so many of us ashamed to admit we need each other? Why did we think it made us weak to admit that we were young and healthy and we wanted company, and to be loved? Why are we expected to be self-sufficient to the point where it goes against our biological programming?

Why is something like “daddy issues” a cultural joke on the person who had the shitty father? Like they didn’t suffer enough from the actual bad father, they also have to carry the stigma and shame that culture assigns to behaviors that could have been prevented if they’d had a good fucking father.

Why do we do this to ourselves, and why do we do it to each other? I’m so sad and so tired of carrying this burden of shame that is doing nothing except making me feel depressed and powerless. You cannot apologize your way into love and acceptance. You cannot regret and suppress your way into happiness. We have this one life that is made up of an endless present moment, and we are the only constant we have from our first breath to our last.

I mean come on guys, we’re not Hitler over here. Most of us are perfectly alright human beings trying to play the hand we were dealt. Why are we so ashamed of ourselves?